((B O U N D A R I E S)) #SelfishIn2k18

B O U N D A R I E S

I have mentioned them a lot. I have talked about letting go.
But how do you really, and I mean really set a boundary?
It is obviously stemming from something or someone that you struggle with, or it wouldn’t really need a boundary.
It is really easy to say that you’re drawing the line in the sand, but sticking to it isn’t always so easy.
I think that we reach our limit, and stay at that limit for a REALLY LONG TIME before we reach our breaking point and then its all over. You either set a limit or you bathe in the toxicity. It can be really hard to begin to love and respect yourself enough to set boundaries with people, and yourself. This blog is kind of an off-shoot from my last one.
New Year {Improved} You- Realistic ways to make 2018 your best year
I am going to attempt to let you in on my journey to get myself back to center, and I hope that I help you get even a small piece of you back to center, too. #SelfishIn2k18 is about putting yourself first, and therefore being the best you that you can be, for you and those you love. Being selfish isn’t always a bad thing.
I have been forced to set boundaries in every aspect of my life. I was drowning. Last year was really rough for me. I noticed that it was really rough for a lot of people. I have read a few things that rang true for me about how 2016 was about finding authenticity, 2017 was a year of revelations and hard truths, while 2018 will be your chance to pull everything together for a smoother life, if you do the work.
So many of us have faced some MAJOR transitions with ourselves over the last two years, regardless of what age we are, or where we are in life. It has been a time of inner conflict and knowing who and where you want to be, but not knowing how to take that final step to who we really are, deep down inside, in our heart and soul- where our authentic self resides.
So, where do boundaries fall into getting closer to your authentic self? Your authentic self puts up with a lot less shit than the other you does. Your authentic self won’t be a doormat. Your authentic self won’t allow you to invest emotions into someone you know really doesn’t like you, but you are obligated to be around. Your authentic self loves you enough to set boundaries to help you, to honor you, to respect you and your needs.
There is a big difference between obligations that are just facts of life like work, bills, taxes, blah, blah, blah; and an obligation that you aren’t really obligated to. You have to go to work but you do not have to go out of your way to try to get that bitchy co-worker to like you, or even be nice to her. It is ok not to like people, not everyone is going to jive with you. Be respectful but you really do not have to go out of your way!

spiritual boundary energy vampires
{ B O U N D A R Y 1} Stop going out of your way for people who would never do it for you. Why waste your time trying to build any kind of relationship with someone who is never concerned about you? Its easy when its the bitchy co-worker, that’s a small thing to give up and usually feels really good when you lay down the law within yourself. This can be a little trickier when its someone in your life that you WANT in your life, someone you want to show up and be fuckin decent but they just don’t know how. But you have to persevere. You can’t allow your emotional need for them to cloud your judgement. You have to lay down a boundary for your sanity. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love you, lift you and support you! Again, be respectful. Don’t bring yourself down to their level. Just make sure you are keeping distance.

If this thorn in your side is abusive, then obviously you need more than distance. If you have a someone in your life that is a threat you should never, ever minimize it, and don’t let anyone else minimize it either! Too many people distort reality to make themselves look better. Don’t let someone gaslight you into thinking you are the issue as they beat you down emotionally. Gas lighting is a really tricky thing, it makes the victim feel crazy, wrong, and like they are the cause of all the drama and all things negative. The reality is they are dealing with a gaslighter.

toxic person boundary
Gaslighting- (verb) Driving people crazy by denying the reality of events in an inverted world. A form of mental abuse where the abuser manipulates situations repeatedly to trick the victim into distrusting his or her own memory and perceptions. An insidious form of abuse, it makes victims question the very instincts that they have counted on their whole lives, making them unsure of everything.

Chances are, you have encountered a gaslighting asshole at some point or another, but this could be the first time you heard the term. These situations are the hardest to set boundaries in. You are going to need hard boundaries with these people inside you and with them. These people are going to lead you to believe that you are insane, therefore you trying to make boundaries is going to be ridiculous! I have dealt with it on more than one occasion in my life and it is HARD. It is so hard to let go of someone you love, but abuses you, you see the good, they CAN make you feel good. But the truth is you’re toxic for each other. Not just them being toxic for you, you are in turn toxic for them because it perpetuates a cycle. Break the stigmas, you don’t owe anyone shit.
Boundaries can be with food, time, anything.
It becomes necessary to set boundaries when something becomes unhealthy or even detrimental to your sanity.
You can try setting a spiritual boundary, first. I always start with my energy. If you are unsure about what your genuine energy is, just focus on your priorities. I don’t mean- husband, kid, work. Spiritual priorities align with your emotional, soul and heart needs. They run with your chakras, your aura. Aligning yourself spiritually will help you see what your true limits are. This is where you will have to step in and make your boundaries.

Love yourself enough to set boundaries
{B O U N D A R Y # 2} Spiritual boundaries are so important. This is where you put up all your defenses to protect yourself. If you can protect yourself spiritually you can protect yourself from within and not let these assholes puncture your bubble so to speak. This works for me in certain situations with people I can’t necessarily stay away from. I will completely hype myself up before being exposed to these people who have heavy energies. These are energy vampires and they will suck everything they can out of you, sometimes without even meaning to, or knowing that they are. These can be sad situations, you want so badly to be able to be around some of them. You like them! You enjoy them, but you just cannot deal with them. There are also some who make you cringe and panic weeks before you know you have to be around them. They’re rude and selfish, and you just feel empty when they finally leave them. I say a mantra- I will not let ________ cross my energy boundary, I am setting a limit and I will not be darkened, burdened or drained by their energy. I sometimes take it a step further to send them love & light because I wanna cover my karmic ass. This approach can take a little practice. Be patient with yourself, and don’t get discouraged, you’ll find your way! Find a mantra that is more specific to your needs, or use mine, either way you may have to repeat it numerous times to yourself while you’re around this person. I think mantras are great for just about everything you need help with, and I use them all the time.

time boundaries

{ B O U N D A R Y # 3} Your time is valuable and people tend to forget that. Hell, I pretty much make my money strictly based on my time and I don’t demand enough respect for my time. Time thieves, most of the time they don’t even realize they are doing it, which makes it even harder to say- ok, I have to go now. This applies to everyone, not just entrepreneurs. Honor your time and you will notice other people will start doing the same thing. This one is really hard for me. I know that I need chill days filled with studying and books or I will get manic and crazy. But instead of taking these days for me, I schedule something and before I know it I have worked 26 days straight, literally. I’m fortunate enough to know that if I schedule a weekday off, I will get the house to myself for at least a few hours. If that isn’t an option for you, drive somewhere to read or sketch, book an appointment for yourself- hair, nails, facial, massage, whatever you need to do in order to honor your time and yourself. Time boundaries go both ways, don’t let people disrespect your time and you need to respect your time enough to give some to yourself.

There are so many different ways you can set boundaries to help yourself out. Don’t put yourself on the back burner anymore. Step up for yourself and be #SelfishIn2k18! Setting boundaries is a great way to start because this is groundwork. Boundaries are something that need to be in place before you can start digging deeper. Boundaries are about self-respect.
*If you are dealing with a situation that requires more than boundaries and need help, please reach out to the appropriate groups or authorities to get help. Gas lighting is not a joke, abuse can be big or small. You are worth putting first.

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