The Day I Met Smiley Dick

I am a huge fan of teas of all kinds. I’m especially fond of herbal healing teas. Today I was feeling the pre-week pressure on top of Claire being extra…just extra, and I needed to unwind a bit. Plus, I was freezing my ass off so the warmth was very welcomed. Normally I make my tea long before I need it so it can cool  down and then I pour it over ice. I have a few go-to herbs I like when I feel tense and anxious so I put some water on and made myself a cup.

Mug and anxietytea herbs
Claire gets extra crazy on Sundays if we haven’t really done much over the weekend. I needed to work and my husband had a huge list of honey-do’s because he just got home from working OTR and being gone up to 28 days a month. We have just stuck around the house all weekend which is the total opposite of our weekday schedule that leaves us spread thin and strung from hell to breakfast. Claire is schlepped from school to day care and to sitters three or four days a week while I take clients. This keeps Claire happy. The girl is just like her uncle, earning her the nickname Taylette, who is full of energy and a social butterfly- the polar opposite of me, who is a slower-paced introvert. I reveled in this weekend of writing, crystals and teas while Claire is ready to pull her hair out. She started the day off pretty well, coloring, playing dress up and even cleaned her room up a bit.

claire in crazy garb

She had been sent for some time out because her attitude was atrocious and I was beginning to lose my patience. I do this more for myself than her because even though I take her iPod, Kindle and TV remote, she still has endless art supplies. After the initial shock of being put in there because it rarely happens, she usually spends a good 20 minutes doodling or working on a project while I get a moment to breathe. Win, win-right?

One project she finished today was dying her hands blue by “coloring really fast” with markers. This did not quench her thirst for creating today, no sir. She was told to wash her hands, mind her biz and find something constructive, or at least quiet, to do.
I was doing laundry in the basement. I barely sat the basket down in time to run to the bathroom. Once you’ve had a baby it’s an intense game trying to make it to pee in time. Always a gamble. I lifted the lid and felt some kind of slime, then saw blue. Then I saw RED. Regular old soap was not good enough for her majesty’s hands, oh no. She needed my expensive shampoo. She also couldn’t simply wash her hands over the sink, she needed to make the ‘soap’ blue with the marker ink and wipe it all over the toilet.

Being the amazing mother, I am (I am livid by now and still need to pee) I knew I needed to cross my legs and teach her a lesson instead of just wiping the toilet off myself. I helped her get a washcloth wet and proceed to clean up the blue fiasco. Then, sweet release, ahhhhh.
As I am walking into my living room, feeling much better from peeing and thinking this was the end of the shit show, I am telling Claire all the reasons we don’t disrespect people’s property like that and the value of a dollar when I met Smiley Dick. On my piano bench….

smiley dick

So, what started out as a blog post about the emotional benefits of herbal tea I had made, less than an hour before I put my hand in expensive blue slime and was introduced to Smiley Dick, has turned into a #dailydoseofchaos with Claire post. Lucky for her I had finished my relaxing anxiety tea before the pandemonium ensued.

I intended to include a little about how we had been butting heads a little this afternoon and how kids can exacerbate emotional distress like nothing else. I was going to touch on the fact that I was losing my patience quickly and how I lit some candles, made a small crystal grid and made myself a cup of custom tea. I wanted to talk about how calming the whole process was for me and how much I love coordinating grids and formulating teas. I even edited some nice fall-feeling, cozy pictures. But I think this post turned out exactly how it needed to.

tea boots candles crystals

Oat Straw: Rich in vitamins A,C,E, K and B- complex. Also high in minerals such as iron, magnesium and calcium. Effective remedy for anxiety, depression, stress, insomnia and to help you keep your cool when Smiley Dick shows up.
Hibiscus: High in vitamin C and it tastes so good! I include it in almost all my teas. It lowers blood pressure and boosts your immune system. Decreases depression, anxiety and chances of you losing your mind.
Passion Flower: Improves sleep patterns, reduces inflammation, lowers blood pressure, addresses ADHD symptoms. Aids in the relief of anxiety and depression while reducing anger from sudden slime contact.

Calendula: Anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-tumor, encourages lymph drainage, eases menstrual cramps, soothes upset stomachs. Great for preventing stress-induced acne caused by naughty children. 
Chamomile: A gentle herb that helps relieve gas and digestive discomfort. It’s a high source of antioxidants and helps with inflammation and pain. It’s great for skin, teeth and gum health. Fights off anxiety, depression and has calming properties for when your property gets a big smiling dick carved in it by a five-year-old.

Happy Sunday Y’all

 

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